Last updated.. Jan 2014
as published in TRUCK WEST Magazine 2005 - and thanks to artist Jamie Bowen
You might like to forward the above to several of
the 'geniuses' that legislate some of this nonsense..
Observations 2006 (or, Deep Thoughts for those who Take Life Way Too seriously
- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot
- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest of them a bad name
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
- Every one has a photographic memory.. some just don't have film
- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
- Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
the Zurich (investment) Axioms
Risk - Worry is not a sickness but a sign of health -- if you are not worried, you are not risking enough.
Greed - Always take your profit too soon. Decide in advance what gain you want and, when you get it, get out.
Hope - When the ship starts sinking, jump. Accept small losses as a fact of life.
Forecasts - Human behaviour cannot be predicted. Distrust anyone who claims to know the future.
Patterns - Chaos is not dangerous until it starts to look orderly.
Mobility - Avoid putting down roots. They impede motion. Do not become trapped in a souring venture because of sentiments like loyalty and nostalgia.
Intuition - A hunch can be trusted if it can be explained. Never confuse a hunch with a hope.
the Occult - If astrology worked, all astrologers would be rich.
Optimism and Pessimism - Optimism means expecting the best, but confidence means knowing how you will handle the worst. Never make a move if you are merely optimistic.
Consensus - Disregard the majority opinion. It is probably wrong. Never follow speculative fads. Often the best time to buy something is when nobody else wants it.
Stubbornness - If it doesn't pay off the first time, forget it. Never try to save a bad investment by "averaging down."
Planning - Long-range plans engender the dangerous belief that the future is under control. It is important never to take your own long-range plans or other people's seriously.
the CONTRACTORS DICTIONARY
CONTRACTOR - the Gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal
ENGINEERS ESTIMATE - Cost of construction in heaven
BID - Wild guess carried out to two decimal places
BID OPENING - Poker game in which the losing hand wins
LOW BIDDER - Contractor who is wondering what he left out
CRITICAL PATH METHOD - Management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control
PROJECT MANAGER - of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union
STRIKE - Union effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken
DELAYED PAYMENT - Tourniquet applied at the pocket
COMPLETION DATE - Point at which liquidated damages start
AUDITORS - People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded
LAWYERS - People who go in after the auditors and strip the bodies
(as published in the Supply Post - and many thanks to Bill Bosovitch from Rock Creek, BC)
some Words of Wisdom
- It's always darkest before dawn, so if you're going to steal the neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
- It's a small world, so you gotta use your elbows a lot.
- No one is listening until you make a mistake.
- Always remember you're unique - just like everyone.
- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
- It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
- If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
- If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again it was probably worth it.
- If you haven't much education you must use your brain.
- You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
- When someone says, "Do you want my opinion?" - it's always a negative one.
- The trouble with work is - it's so daily...
- The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.
- Scientists say 1 out of every 4 people is crazy.. check 3 friends - if they are OK, you're it.
- Pain and suffering are inevitable but misery is optional.
- Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like clearing the driveway before it has stopped snowing.
- Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work ! (quote - Thomas Edison)
Q - "You're a high-priced lawyer! If I give you $500, will you answer two questions for me?"
A - Absolutely! What's the second question?
and IN CLOSING
You might like to see what our "favorite islamist" is up to now (he was known as 'moohammudd-the-idiot') ..
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